Cube Drone


#97

RFC 2324


RFC 2324
But without a mug you’ll be sore
Just send it a WHEN
it’ll stop pouring, then
your coffee will be on the floor

single image

text

I wanted a beverage, hot.
From an HTTP coffeebot.
My coffee was spurned.
An error returned:
“418 I am a teapot”


#98

Tiger Team



single image

text

Email from CEO to Dev:
I want to assure you that we’re taking the problems with the vendors’ software seriously.

I’ve asked Walt to form a tiger team to start gathering feedback that we can use to … |
Cube Drone, looking at his phone: Ha ha. Tiger team! I remember that from old Dilbert cartoons. Does anybody even know what a tiger team is? |
Cube Drone, looking around an empty office, with blood on the floor: Um… guys?


#99



single image

text

UI Corner with Lain: This is a hamburger menu. When you click on it, a proper menu will pop out with all of your app’s actual navigation. |
The term “Mystery Meat Navigation” refers to navigational elements that are a complete mystery until you click on them. |
A hamburger element, like all hamburger, is mystery meat. You don’t know what’s in there. And it might give you butt cancer.


#100

Cyberpunk 2015



single image

text

Cyberpunk 2015: A man wearing a triple-breasted suit with neon-colored hair and a robotic arm: I’ve got to jack in to the metagrid to protect my creds from 'dentahackers! |
Actual 2015: A chubby man with a sports t-shirt and a smartphone: I’ve got to proxy to a server in California so that I can watch “The Office” on American Netflix |
Chubby Man: Also I think someone on the bus is doing some kind of Shadowrun cosplay.


#101

CI vs. BM



single image

text

Walt: Ugh. We froze production a for a week and now the deployment is taking forever. There’s a tonne of changes to push out. Somehow there is code in master that is not ready to be deployed.
Melissa: That’s why we keep our deployments regular. If we don’t deploy every day our deployments get hard, strained, uncomfortable, and they take forever.
Melissa: Come to think of it, we’d have the same problems if our office didn’t have fiber.


#102

Pickled Pythons



This is a true story, unfortunately.

single image

text

Cube Drone: Hoo. Finally home for the holidays. I don’t have to deal with the family until tomorrow. Time to relax.
Cube Drone: Yup. Relaxing. Relaxation. |
Soon: Cube Drone is writing a comment on reddit: look, pickle in python is a bad long-term serialization solution for the following reasons: reason the first


#103

Holy War



single image

text

Vim. Usable in just about every environment. Does one thing, well. (picture of a fixed-blade knife).
Emacs. Flexible, customizable, and packed with just about every feature known to man. (picture of a Leatherman multitool).
Nano. Mostly used by people who don’t know what they’re doing, or psychopaths.


Cube Drone B-Sides and Rarities
#104

Fine Art



single image

text

Java ( a painting by Mondrian, all boxes and lines ),
Perl ( a painting by Jackson Pollack, all splatters and colors),
PHP ( Garfield, by Jim Davis )


Cube Drone B-Sides and Rarities
#105

Variations on a Theme








This was a real thing that management did to us. I still have the book.

single image

text

CEO: I’ve generously purchased each of you a copy of a book. I’d like to ask you to read it before our meeting on Friday.
Cube Drone looks disapprovingly at a book.
The cover: “Leading from Behind, Crack the Management Code”, with a chart that looks suspiciously like a butt. |
The same set-up again, but this time with a different book as the punchline:
The cover: “Fifty Shades of Grey - E L James” |
The same set-up again, but this time with a different book as the punchline:
The cover: “Leo Tolstoy - War and Peace” |
The same set-up again, but this time with a different book as the punchline:
The cover: “Toyota Corolla Tercel 1980 thru 1982 Automotive Repair Manual” |
The same set-up again, but this time with a different book as the punchline:
The cover: A cheap looking screenplay. “Addiction to Danger. Screenplay by: CEO” |
And finally the same set-up one more time, this time with a cut-out so the reader can put their own punchline in.


#106

Pretty Big Data






single image

text

Walt: So, after a look at our customer’s big data needs, how many servers do you think we’re going to need to provision?
Warbeard: Um… one?
Walt: But they have thousands of customers and gigabytes of data. We’re planning a whole orchestrated Hadoop cluster!
Warbeard: A 1U blade server can be equipped with 800 Gigabytes of RAM and 24 cores for less than we charge for two weeks of consulting.
Warbeard: We could fit all of the data our customer generates in 10 years on a blade without ever writing to disk.
Walt: Hmm.
Warbeard: I’ve seen that look on your face before. We should still write to disk. Non-negotiable.


#107

Keyboardio



single image

text

The Ergodox Keyboard: A pretty normal keyboard, but split at the center.
The Kinesis Advantage: A very large keyboard with a bowl for each hand and a panel of controls under each thumb.
The Das Kinemax Pro Code RGB Premium Mechanical Edition: A ridiculously large keyboard with a split layout, a foot pedal, a joystick, glowing red, green, and blue buttons, a dial, a spoiler, and nitrous.


#108

Missing The Point



single image

text

CEO: Every ticket in our system is high priority! We need a new, even higher priority in order to communicate which tickets are most important!
Walt: Why not just use the existing low and medium priority settings?
CEO: Nothing is medium priority! Everything I want you to do is important!
Years Later: CEO: Every ticket in our system is super double infinity X2 critical priority! We need a new, even higher…


#109

Windy Pillows






single image

text

The crew are carrying travel gear like backpacks and bags.
Walt: Man, this kickoff is going to be great! Did you all read that book the CEO bought us? I hear he’s lined up a talk from the author!
Cube Drone: The one with the graph on the cover that looked like a butt?
Cube Drone: Oh yeah! I totally read it. I am going to agile managementize the hell out of my paradigms.
Lain: I actually read it and it was hot garbage from end to end.
Milo: I found the book very useful. It is cold in my cabin this time of year.
Sparky: We got a book?
Soon:
Windy Pillows is talking in front of a crowd.
Windy: I am being paid handsomely to be here. Let’s look at some stock photography while I read to you from my book.
A Venn Diagram that looks like a butt.
A series of arrows that look like a butt.
A slide selling his next book, “Agile Software Systems” with another butt on the cover.
Windy: As you can see, I spend a lot of my time thinking about Agile.


#110

Scientific Reorganization



single image

text

CEO: Thanks for attending this year’s kickoff, everyone! This year, we’re gearing up to deliver a lot more process. I plan to increase story production by 100%!
CEO: In order to look busy, we’ve been working hard on a departmental reorganization, so if the devs could come up to the podium one at a time for the sorting ceremony…
Soon: Cube Drone is wearing a Harry Potter Sorting Hat. It says “Product”.


#111

Kickoff Presentation






single image

text

Earlier:
Milo (holding a pile of cash): Everybody get your bets in for the CEO Kickoff Keynote Betting Pool.
At the keynote:
CEO: This is the year that our product finally earns its first nine of reliability, so say goodbye to your evenings, weekends, and any non-ops loved ones.
CEO: Innovation. Velocity. Profit. Opportunity. Profitunity. Enterprise. Scalability. 100%. Thought leader.
Cube Drone is holding on to a laptop, which has displayed on it: Miloslav Betting Website: Cube Drone, for $100 - CEO’s Keynote will contain Bad News, Buzzwords, and Profit
CEO: Here is a number. That number could be the amount of money our shareholders will make in 2017! Woo! Yeah!
Cube Drone: Yeah!
CEO: I like your enthusiasm.


#112

Taken For A Ride



single image

text

CEO: And finally, I’d like to close with an inspirational quote from Facebook or Google or something. “If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask which seat. Just get on.”
Later that Day: A creepy man in a white panel van with “Rockit Ship” crudely painted on the side drives up to the CEO. Creepy Man: Hey, buddy. Want a free ride in a rocket ship? Hop in!
CEO: Sure! I have no follow-up questions!
The third panel is a milk carton with a picture of the CEO on it, under text reading “Have you seen this man?”


#113

Notorious A.C.

single image

text

Temperature changes affect hardware reliability, which is why it is vitally important to keep your servers cool.

(Picture of a server wearing a backwards hat, sunglasses, and a gold chain)


#114

PEP8 vs. V05



single image

text

Sparky: I don’t think my code is compact enough. How do I get better?
Milo: gzip?
Sparky: Huh?
Milo: Compact isn’t a very good measure of code quality. You have to consider clarity, correctness, performance, testability, shine, bounce, curl…
Sparky: Wait… bounce?
Milo: You should have seen my hair when I was your age. I looked like Vidal Sassoon.


#115

True Name



single image

text

Cube Drone: Hey, Sparky!
Sparky: Could you stop calling me Sparky? I’ve been here for six months!
Cube Drone: (touching Sparky’s face) Sparky, the time has not yet come. One day you will earn your true name.


#116

Glitter and Macaroni






single image

text

Sparky (to Cube Drone and Milo): Hey, guys, mail started arriving at my apartment addressed to “Sparky”. Are you behind this?
Cube Drone: Ha ha, yeah! Milo has some contacts, we got your name changed from Wen Zhang to Sparky in a few databases.
Sparky: This is from the government.
Cube Drone: Milo has a lot of contacts.
Cube Drone: Oh, Wen Zhang might also be on the no-fly list, now.
Milo: I wouldn’t use your passport.
Cube Drone: Don’t worry, we made you a new one.
Milo hands over a crudely made passport made with crayon and glitter.
Milo winks.