Cube Drone


#15

Artists are Strange



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Lain: My new markers arrived in the mail! |
Lain: Marker dance party! |
Cube Drone: The things that make artists happy never cease to amaze me.


#16

Don’t Go Chasing Waterfall



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CEO: Our client has decided to use agile, but you have to agree on all of your tasks ahead of time. |
CEO: …and deliver them by a fixed date. |
Walt: That’s just waterfall.
CEO: Nonsense. Now if you could get to work making a detailed chart of project dependencies…


#17

Perks



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Walt: Attention, everyone! Word around the office is that you guys want some kind of trendy coffee solution, like a pourover or espresso machine. |
Walt: Of course, this company isn’t just about chasing trends - it’s also about predicting them - which is why what I bought you is great! It has all of the old-fashioned charm of a pourover and the great taste of well-made joe. |
Cube-Drone: He bought us a percolator?
Miloslav: Almost certainly.


#18

Vancouver is a Dreary Place



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Frame 1: Cube Drone is sitting in his office.
| Cube Drone: It’s so dreary in here. I should go outside more.
| Frame 2: Vancouver, in all of its dark, rainy glory.
| Frame 3: Cube Drone in office again.
| Cube Drone: Actually, no.


#19

Chaos Incarnate



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Frame 1: Cube Drone is talking to Milo
| Cube Drone: Yeah, Netflix’s Chaos Monkey concept - killing services at random to test your distributed systems - it’s a cool idea.
| Frame 2: Milo: And that’s why we have a co-op student.
| Frame 3: Sparky enters the frame.
| Sparky: Guys, I’m not sure how a DELETE statement works in SQL, but I think I did something bad.


#20

Ingenuity of Sorts



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The year is 2038. StackOverflow has become sentient.
All it does is deliver strong shocks to coders who use tabs and spaces interchangeably.
It started by trying to shock any remaining PHP coders.
But most of them quickly decided that the shocks were just another feature of the language.
When the shocks stopped, 3 PHP coders filed complaints,
claiming that they had built critical functionality that depended on the periodic free electricity.


Cube Drone B-Sides and Rarities
#21

Conference Talks - shrimp.js



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First frame: (Cube Drone is giving a presentation)
| Cube Drone: Before I begin my talk, I’d like to draw some attention to the gentleman with the red hat in the third row, who was right in front of me at lunch.
| Second frame: (On the presentation screen is a picture of a man in a red hat, holding a shrimp with some tongs.)
| Cube Drone: Pictured here, carefully, with surgical precision, taking every last shrimp from the shrimp and noodle tray.
| Third frame: (Cube drone is visibly angry)
| Cube Drone: You violated a social contract and left naught but a bereft, shrimpless mass of noodles in your wake. For shame.


#22

Conference Talks - Sparky’s First Talk



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The only three presentations that junior programmers ever give:
| First frame: (Sparky stands on a podium, giving a presentation) ‘Unit Testing: How Does it Work?’,
| Second frame: ‘Code Style: Tabs vs Spaces vs Neither, Where to Put The Curly Brace, The More Trivial the Better’,
| Third frame: ‘Why My Code is Self Documenting, But Your Code Needs Comments, Examples, a Glossary and a Tutorial’


#23

Conference Talks - The Bad Presenter



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A chubby man is delivering a presentation.
| First frame: I’m just going to need a moment to get this Powerpoint '02 file to open on the presentation MacBook,
| Second frame: Oh no, my demo seems to require VPN access. Let’s get that going.
| Third frame: My podium has gone astray


#24

Conference Talks - You Talkin’ Bout My Pipes?



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Miloslav is delivering a presentation.
| First frame: Let’s talk about the Gulp build tool. A lot of you Javascripters are discovering that it is a lot more efficient to pass data from task to task rather than writing to disk between each step.
| Second frame: Or Akka Actors in Scala. Concurrency sure is simpler to manage with non-shared memory and immutable messages, huh? Ok, with that, let’s begin.
| Third frame: (He waves at his presentation title) Processes & Pipes: They’ve been in Unix for like 40 goddamn years.


#25

Texting in the Rain



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First frame: Walt, texting to Cube Drone: How is the conference going? Are you guys having fun?
| Second frame: Cube drone, in the rain: Agh, this capacitative touch screen is not handling the rain well.
| Third frame: Walt, reading the response from Cube Drone: Yeah its totalln awesomr wert having a grrr flrgmbbbbb


#26

Conference Talks - Everybody Hates PowerPoint



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First frame: Woman: I’m not using slides, so if you could follow along in my text editor…
| Second frame: Man: My slides are just one giant image, so I’m going to scroll around as I talk.
| Third frame: Greasier-looking man: You’re all holding a printed version of my slides, which also double as a flipbook.
| Fourth frame: Nerd: My slides are projected on to a four-dimensional tesseract.


#27

The Blame Game



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Walt: Gentlemen, we had an hour-long service outage last night,
and I want to know why.
| Warbeard: It was dev!
| Cube Drone: It was QA!
| Sparky: It was OPS!
| Warbeard, Sparky, and Cube Drone are all pointing at one another.
| Cube Drone: It would appear we have a mexican standup on our hands.


#28

The Curse of the Senior



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Miloslav’s first day as a senior developer:
Miloslav: Wonderful, I’ll just open my text editor and co…
Walt: Milo! Could you look over these resumes?
| Miloslav’s 183rd day as a senior developer:
Miloslav: Finally! A chance to get my hands on some code!
Walt: Hey, about those estimates…
| Today:
Miloslav (anguished): For the love of god, jut let me code!
Walt: I hate to bother you, but the investors want to see a demo.


#29

Merry Coding



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Cube Drone: Can I get a couple of days off around Christmas?
| Walt: Sure. Truth be told, this place is a total ghost town on the 24th. Except for Milo. God knows what he gets up to.
| Christmas Eve: Milo is sitting in his office, with a tiny tree and
lights strung up.
Milo: Finally, peace and quiet. I’m gonna get so much work done.


#30

New Years’ Eve






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Happy New Year!
The whole team is standing around on a roof. Walt is holding champagne.
POP
Walt: A toast!
| Walt: To a team who can handle just about anything!
| Xyzzy (remoting in, on a phone): To working from home!
| Lain: To long life and short line lengths!
| Miloslav: To failing fast while you can
| Warbeard: And failing gracefully at 3AM
| Cube-Drone: And to never hardcoding the year into anything!
| Everyone but Sparky: Cheers!
| Sparky: shit.


#33

Office Space



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Walt: Before we start searching for a new office, let’s write down some priorities.
| 15 Minutes Later: A whiteboard filled with options.

  • Quiet: 7 pts
  • Coffee: 5 pts
  • Don’t Want to Sit Next to Sparky: 3 pts
  • Fortifiable (In Case of Zombies): 1 pt
  • Beige
  • Hot Tub: 2 pts
  • Treehouse: 1 pt
    | Walt: I think we can work with this.

#34

The Ideal Office



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Lain: I’ve made a sketch of an office floorplan that meets most of our requirements.
| a nice, spacious floorplan with an eating area, soft seating, private offices, and a water feature
| Walt: Nice!
| Lain: Do you think we’ll find a place like this?
| Walt: Gods no.


#35

Looking for a Soul to Steal

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In the office:
Lain: These commercial property websites are terrible. We might need…
Cube Drone: Don’t say it!
Lain: A property developer.
| Elsewhere, a red-haired woman with a blazer and leather boots.
| She looks up. “I’m needed somewhere. I can smell it.”


#36

Passing the Bechdel Test



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In Lain’s office:
Lain: Who are you? And what are you doing in my office?
| Red-Haired Woman: Shh shh shh… we just need to have a conversation that’s not about men.
| (Hugging) Lain: I am not super comfortable right now.
| Red-Haired Woman: This is nice.