Cube Drone


#66

Art of War

single image

text

Appear strong when you are weak, and weak when you are strong; Sun Tzu on strong vs. weak type systems. |
Treat your men as you would your beloved sons, and they will follow you into the deepest valley; Sun Tzu on dragging your team to Silicon Valley for a funding round. |
In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity; Sun Tzu on PHP.


#67

Team Portrait

I actually use these as character guides. They help me keep the color and character faces consistent between comics. Which, you know, I still don’t do super well, but I try my best.


#68

Words With Colours



single image

text

Walt: Have you ever heard of synesthesia? |
Cube Drone: The lost Russian princess?
Melissa: The person who does my hair and nails? |
Walt: Wait, what?
Cube Drone: The stuff they use to knock you out during surgery?


#69

Bloviating



single image

text

Cube Drone checks his watch: Company standup in five minutes! Ugh. |
CEO, on a video feed: Let’s talk about the meaning of the word “vision”.|
CEO: SWOT analysis key partner value-add directionality funding round valuation opportunity market position strategic IPO commoditification sales deck-measuring contest money VP of marketing the board wants money money dollars money
Cube Drone: Uuuuuuugh.


#70

Relentless Persistence



single image

text

Problem: Javascript has almost no standard library.
Solution: Thousands of community-supported libraries of wildly varying quality.
Problem: Javascript has no packaging or a linker to tie those packages together.
Problem: Javascript won’t run outside the browser.
Solution: V8
Problem: Javascript is single-thread by design.
Solution: Asynchronous programming, node.js
Problem: Callback Hell
Problem: The DOM is too slow for video games.
Solution: Canvas
Problem: Javascript is too slow for video games.
Solution: Use an assembly-like subset of Javascript called asm.js
Problem: asm.js is basically unwritable by humans.
Problem: Prototypal Inheritance is pants-on-head stupid. (That’s right, I said it)
Problem: Web resources need to be minified and zipped for performance.
Solutions: Hundreds of community supported build tools of wildly varying quality.
Problem: Grunt
Solution: Gulp
Problem: Gulp
Problem: Machine-generated code is more difficult to debug.
Problem: Async is still a nightmare, huh?
Problem: Ballooning project size and complexity.
Problem: Output runs very slowly on mobile devices.
Problem: Javascript still doesn’t do everything.
Solution: Electron, PhoneGap, FireFoxOS

Cube Drone and Miloslav are digging in a giant hole.
Cube Drone: How is digging going to get us out of this hole?
Miloslav: Where I am from, the point of digging is not freedom from digging.


#71

Versioning Schemes



Of course, the full Drone-Ver specification is available here.

single image

text

Versioning Schemes - Semver:
2.12.28, where the first part is major version, updating on changes that are not backwards compatible. The second part is minor version, updating on changes that add functionality. The third part is patch version, updating on bugfixes. Good! |
Ubuntu: 15.04 Vivid Vervet. That’s year, month, and an alliterative animal of increasing letter value. Ok! Trouble in fall 2017? |
Windows: 3.1, 95, 98, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10. Wait, what? |
Drone-Ver: 18.relieved.138.12.pickle.1436966326.7, where it’s Major Version (romantic), developer mood, number of open GitHub issues, forks and faves, a random dictionary word, the Unix time, and always the number 7.


Drone-Ver Versioning Specification
#72

Digital Entendre



single image

text

CEO: It’s important! Our competition is coming. Our competition is coming hard… |
: And our competition is coming fast.
Cube Drone: Oh god not in my face! |
Walt angrily mutes the conference call.


#73

Duckie Blanket



single image

text

When you’re sick, you genuinely want to help your team. Cube Drone: Sure, I’ll look at the admin module! |
But your reserves of focus and mental acuity drain quickly. (Cube Drone is sleeping under a duck blanket) |
Which can make status updates difficult. Miloslav: What’s your status on the admin module? Cube Drone: I sweated through my jeans and managed to eat a whole piece of toast.


#74

Software By Composition

Graph jokes!

text

Software:
6% Code
10% Tests
4% CYA
3% SOAP
10% Diva bullshit
8% Arguments about Duck Typing
8% Wearing a cape to work
1% Off-by-one Errors
17% Getting pissy and defensive about code reviews
14% Tech debt
14% Copy and pasting from Stack Overflow
6% Aeropress
0% Documentation


#75

Still Crazy After All These Years



single image

text

Cube Drone walks by a server room that’s whirring and gurgling. |
Cube Drone: Hey, Walt, I didn’t know we had a server room. Aren’t we entirely on cloud services?
Walt: Yeah, but Milo says there’s still equipment we need in there. |
Milo is operating a moonshine still out of the server room.


#76

Two Hard Problems

This comic has a cross-panel transition that doesn’t split well. So you get it like this!

text

Miloslav: There are only two hard things in Computer Science. |
Walt: Cache invalidation and naming?
Miloslav: What? No. |
Miloslav (flexing his biceps): These!


#77

Smart and Gets Things Done



This one guest colored by the talented Tiffany Thoreson.

single image

text

Walt: We’re hiring for Smart and Gets Things Done. |
Lain: I feel like those shouldn’t be our only criteria.
Walt: What are we missing? |
Lain: How about “not likely to burn the company to the ground in a fit of rage”, “hygienic”, and “able to communicate without accidentally cramming both hands in their mouth”.


#78

Severity 1



single image

text

Warbeard gets a text: Boop! |
Warbeard: A severity 1? Seriously? Someone had better be in mortal danger or I’m going to be angry. |
Smoke is pouring out of the server room.
Warbeard: Ok, good use of a severity 1.


#79

Automated Animosity



single image

text

Code. The top comment is “this code was generated by a tool.” |
Cube Drone frowns. |
Cube Drone (angrily): Who keeps adding mean comments to my code?


#80

Stack Rankings

text

“Oh god, somebody’s smashed my laptop!”
Milo is walking with a putter in his hands, whistling to himself.
Staying on top of the stack rankings takes persistence, dedication, and a blunt object.


#81

Magic is Real

text

Poof! Now your code is garbage! : The Singleton Fairy.


#82

Free Stuff and Naps

text

Conference Guy: Here’s your headphones and your soft pillow! Conference room A is for napping. Conference room B is for quietly hacking while soft electronica plays.

There is actually no such thing as a “Developer Conference”


#83

Say You’ll Go

The say command only works on Mac computers, but if you’ve got one, give it a whirl. Bother your co-workers.

text

Lain’s computer: Butts! Butts butts! Come on and slam! Through is not rough. You have been eaten by a grue. Oonts? Oonts oonts oonts! Interbutts.
Lain discovers the “say” command.


#84

Advantage: VR



single image

text

The BBC just ran a story about how a prominent roboethicist is calling for a ban on sex robots, like the Roxxxy. |
Or a Roomba with googly eyes and a fleshlight taped to the top. |
Lain: I feel like the BBC is not taking this seriously. |
Cube Drone: Of course not. Nobody considers a “roboethicist” to be a real thing.


#85

Up Up and Away


single image

text

September 21 to 27, 2015
Vancouver Startup Week
Fellating Angel Investors: Your Guide to the Shaft of Modern Venture Capital
Free Labor: Hackathons and You
0 to 10: Making Numbers go Up
VR! Unstable! Experimental! Cool as Shit! |
Walt: Let’s see… meaningless awards, crowdfunding: an intro to making videos with soft timpani music, the internet of things: gateway to a horrible future…
Cube Drone: Jeez, they’re going super honest this year.