Cube Drone


#83

Say You’ll Go

The say command only works on Mac computers, but if you’ve got one, give it a whirl. Bother your co-workers.

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Lain’s computer: Butts! Butts butts! Come on and slam! Through is not rough. You have been eaten by a grue. Oonts? Oonts oonts oonts! Interbutts.
Lain discovers the “say” command.


#84

Advantage: VR



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The BBC just ran a story about how a prominent roboethicist is calling for a ban on sex robots, like the Roxxxy. |
Or a Roomba with googly eyes and a fleshlight taped to the top. |
Lain: I feel like the BBC is not taking this seriously. |
Cube Drone: Of course not. Nobody considers a “roboethicist” to be a real thing.


#85

Up Up and Away


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September 21 to 27, 2015
Vancouver Startup Week
Fellating Angel Investors: Your Guide to the Shaft of Modern Venture Capital
Free Labor: Hackathons and You
0 to 10: Making Numbers go Up
VR! Unstable! Experimental! Cool as Shit! |
Walt: Let’s see… meaningless awards, crowdfunding: an intro to making videos with soft timpani music, the internet of things: gateway to a horrible future…
Cube Drone: Jeez, they’re going super honest this year.


#86

I Hope You Missed Me

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Cube Drone: Hey guys! I’m back from vacation, rested, and ready for action! |
Cube Drone: I hope you didn’t miss me too much.
Milo: You left? |
Cube Drone looks crestfallen.


#87

Poop Helmet


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Cube Drone: Hey, if we put an IoT Lightbulb inside the bathroom, we can check whether it’s on or off from a web interface. No more wasted bathroom trips when the can is occupied! |
Melissa: Nah - what if someone leaves the light on? We’d need a microphone in there.
Warbeard: Or some biometrics! Lots of people have heart attacks on the john. |
Several revisions later: Milo is wearing a large, clunky “Poop Helmet v7.4”.


#88

Magic Eight Ball

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Cube Drone (holding a magic eight ball): Magic Eight Ball - how should I manage all of my e-mail? |
Cube Drone shakes the ball |
Cube Drone: Wow! Thanks!
Magic Eight Ball: Outlook Not So Good


#89

Planning Poker Starz

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Walt (holding up an eight of clubs): So, I think this task sounds pretty difficult, so I’m going to play an 8. |
Sparky (wearing sunglasses and a hoodie, with a stack of chips): Call.
Walt: Sparky, this is not how you play planning poker.
Sparky: Call! |
Walt: … okay, I have a single eight.
Sparky: Fold.


#90

Oh Great, Another Technical Pun



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Walt, in a vampire costume: Lain, I’m not sure if I get your costume. Heavy load? Lead weight? |
Lain, wearing a grey costume that reads 1000Kg on the front: Oh, I’ve been waiting for someone to ask all day! |
Lain: I’m a singleton!


#91

Cutting the Gordian Knot

This is a common interview question - and not a great one, in my opinion, because it’s more of a long-form high school math problem than it is a programming problem. The correct answer involves producing and then solving the formula for triangular numbers. The even correcter answer involves basic knowledge of eggs: they will not survive even a one floor drop. The better answer still is to not work for the company that is asking silly math questions to try to measure your programming ability. Although I would award definite style points for “Buy 5 more eggs and do a binary search: my time is worth more than the cost of 5 eggs.”

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Walt: Interview question: you are given two eggs and access to a 100-story building. What is the most efficient way to determine the highest floor from which you can drop an egg and it will not break. |
Interviewee: Easy, I brought eggs from home. Watch this.
Walt: Wait, why did you bring… |
Interviewee: Oh, look, the answer is less than one. splort
Walt: Our floor!


#92

Time After Time

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A graph with both axes marked “time(h)”. The graph is not linear, as you might expect, but curved. “Another success at the time travel corporation.”


#93

Exercise Your Calm






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Cube Drone is working on a project. Attempt 3: Fail. Attempt 14: Fail.
Cube Drone: Breathe deeply. You are getting paid. Calm down. You must not get frustrated. Frustration is the mind killer. You can’t tie your self-worthto the success of your software career. Adequate documentation is unreasonable to expect from internally developed software. Exercise your calm.
Attemps 36, 37, and 38: Fail, fail, fail.
Walt: Hey there, buddy. Where’s your laptop?
Cube Drone: Oh, hey there, Walt! Definitely I didn’t smash it with a hammer. Not me. No sirree.


#94

Crossfit



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Lain: Have you noticed that Sparky’s been going out of his way to mention he’s doing Crossfit, like, all the time?
Cube Drone: Uh… no? |
Sparky: Guys - I have to skip team building. I have another team to work with. My sweet delts. shoulder flex |
Cube Drone is reading a text from Sparky: p.s. crossfit btw


#95

Forming Storming Norming Performing






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Tuckman’s Four Stages of Team Development:

  1. Forming (three characters standing together)
  2. Storming (one of the three characters says something mean)
  3. Norming… wait, no, I think that still might be storming. (one of the three characters is angrily pointing, another has his arms out aggressively)
  4. Still storming, but we’ll get through this any minute now. (the two fighting characters are much closer now, and the third is sneaking out of frame)
  5. sigh. Additional storming. (a fistfight has broken out, and the third character is holding a printer above his head)
  6. The storming has proceeded much longer than expected. ( Two remaining characters walking away from a dumpster with an arm sticking out of it. )

#96

A Distributed Environment



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Cube Drone: Come on, build, no whammies, no whammies, you can do it. |
Melissa: Wait, shouldn’t you be able to run the whole build locally and know that your build passes before you commit anything? |
Cube Drone: Hey, do I tell you how to do ​your​ job?
Melissa: Yes. Constantly.


#97

RFC 2324


RFC 2324
But without a mug you’ll be sore
Just send it a WHEN
it’ll stop pouring, then
your coffee will be on the floor

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I wanted a beverage, hot.
From an HTTP coffeebot.
My coffee was spurned.
An error returned:
“418 I am a teapot”


#98

Tiger Team



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Email from CEO to Dev:
I want to assure you that we’re taking the problems with the vendors’ software seriously.

I’ve asked Walt to form a tiger team to start gathering feedback that we can use to … |
Cube Drone, looking at his phone: Ha ha. Tiger team! I remember that from old Dilbert cartoons. Does anybody even know what a tiger team is? |
Cube Drone, looking around an empty office, with blood on the floor: Um… guys?


#99



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UI Corner with Lain: This is a hamburger menu. When you click on it, a proper menu will pop out with all of your app’s actual navigation. |
The term “Mystery Meat Navigation” refers to navigational elements that are a complete mystery until you click on them. |
A hamburger element, like all hamburger, is mystery meat. You don’t know what’s in there. And it might give you butt cancer.


#100

Cyberpunk 2015



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Cyberpunk 2015: A man wearing a triple-breasted suit with neon-colored hair and a robotic arm: I’ve got to jack in to the metagrid to protect my creds from 'dentahackers! |
Actual 2015: A chubby man with a sports t-shirt and a smartphone: I’ve got to proxy to a server in California so that I can watch “The Office” on American Netflix |
Chubby Man: Also I think someone on the bus is doing some kind of Shadowrun cosplay.


#101

CI vs. BM



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Walt: Ugh. We froze production a for a week and now the deployment is taking forever. There’s a tonne of changes to push out. Somehow there is code in master that is not ready to be deployed.
Melissa: That’s why we keep our deployments regular. If we don’t deploy every day our deployments get hard, strained, uncomfortable, and they take forever.
Melissa: Come to think of it, we’d have the same problems if our office didn’t have fiber.


#102

Pickled Pythons



This is a true story, unfortunately.

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Cube Drone: Hoo. Finally home for the holidays. I don’t have to deal with the family until tomorrow. Time to relax.
Cube Drone: Yup. Relaxing. Relaxation. |
Soon: Cube Drone is writing a comment on reddit: look, pickle in python is a bad long-term serialization solution for the following reasons: reason the first